


Awsten Doesn't Like Being Full.

by were_just_the_noise_boys



Series: Never Bloom Again offshoot ficlets [7]
Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Purging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24534958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/were_just_the_noise_boys/pseuds/were_just_the_noise_boys
Summary: Awsten regrets eating lunch.Companion ficlet to Never Bloom Again.
Series: Never Bloom Again offshoot ficlets [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1773145
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Awsten Doesn't Like Being Full.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been asked to post the oneshots that I post to NBA's tumblr blog (@neverbloomagain-fic) on ao3. I'm going to post some of the longer and/or better ones into this series. 
> 
> If you're here and haven't read Never Bloom Again, these are going to make varying amounts of no sense to you. But if you want to stick around, you're welcome to. 
> 
> Enjoy

If you asked Awsten why he liked the feeling of starving so much, he honestly wouldn’t be able to tell you. All that he knew was that the gnawing feeling in his gut was a constant, and constants were comforting. No matter what was happening around him, HE was the only one who got to choose whether or not to be hungry. He would hold onto that little piece of control for as long as he had to. 

But he wasn’t empty, not anymore. And he knew that it was too late to try to bring it back up, and that he shouldn’t, but he didn’t know what else to do. His head hurt, and his brain was all heavy again, and now he didn’t even have the icy void in his gut to comfort him. He stood up slowly, making sure not to tip at all. His teacher didn’t even notice as he slipped out the door without a hall pass. If there was one thing that Awsten was good at, it was fading into the background when he didn’t want to be seen.

Once he was out of the portible, he broke into a run towards the main building. He wasn’t in any particular hurry, but his skin was crawling with an urgency that he couldn’t place. Moving fast made it quiet down. He skidded to a halt outside the nearest mens’ bathroom, emaciated body already gasping and trembling from the small amount of exercise. His nose wrinkled a little bit at the smell as he pushed the door open, but it did nothing to deter him. He did a quick scan up and down the room, determining which stall was the least repulsive. The door and flimsy latch were jarringly loud against the silent tiled walls. 

He winced as his boney knees hit the floor, and took a deep breath in preparation. This was always gross, but tolerable. Funnily enough, the first time he’d done this wasn’t even for anything related to hunger or weight. He’d needed an excuse to get out of gym class so that no one saw all of the bruises on his arms and legs. Not having mandated physical education anymore was at least one thing that Awsten was grateful for. Leaning forward a bit, he lifted his hand and delicately placed two fingers in his mouth in a way that was far too practiced to mean anything good. He squeezed his eyes shut as he reached farther back, pressing the flats of his fingernails into the side of his throat. It was only a few seconds before the first dry heave wracked his frame, trying to force the intrusion out, but Awsten kept his fingers firmly where they were. A few gags later, he felt bile rushing up his esophagus and quickly yanked them out, slamming his hand down on the edge of the toilet as the small amount of food that he’d eaten came back up. He winced at the splashback hitting his face, but kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see the evidence of how disgusting he was. He quickly jammed his fingers back into his mouth, cringing at the sliminess but not wanting to lose momentum. 

After he was sure that there was nothing but bile coming up, Awsten sat up and groped bindly for the toilet lever, flushing away his shame. His eyes were sore and watery as he finally opened them. He blinked fast for a couple seconds. That was better. He grabbed some toilet paper off of the roll as he stood up, wiping off his face and fingers and then the toilet seat. He tossed the soiled tissue into the bowl, not bothering to flush again. Making his way over to the sinks, he let himself indulge in a few moments of self-loathing, just glaring at his reflection in the mirror. Why was he like this? 

Why couldn’t he just be normal?

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment!


End file.
